POEM: I Belong
Hi, thank you for finding me here!
First post is a poem that I wrote exactly 10 years ago, in the middle of January 2011.
On my birthday, I sometimes get into philosophical mood… Around this day of the year, it is indeed usual that something happens where I feel a new life has began in one way or the other.
At the age of 10, by an accidental meeting with another little girl, I got introduced to the local folk dance group, and that set me on a path for this life.
When I was 19, I spent my birthday in a hospital with an unusually heavy Hepatitis where the doctors said I needed to be very careful with moving, for at least a half year. A few weeks later I was on stage, touring with the dance group in Slovakia…
In 1993, I got my son as a present – two years later in January, I broke up with his father and we divorced. In the same time, my beloved Grandma, who used to sing the lullabies so beautifully, passed away…
In 2000, somehow, a very happy and productive period of my life started, overnight.
In 2008, I had a cancer surgery…
And now, without going into more details here*, I am giving myself the most precious present of freedom:
(*Note: later on, I might go into the details and tell you much more about why this poem was born)
I BELONG
It kills me when I can’t speak,
It kills me when I have to be
Silent about what I see.
It kills me when I have to lie,
When I have to put on a smile
That I don’t feel inside.
Just an empty façade.
When I see it’s black
And they say it’s white.
When I see it’s not right
And they say it’s all fine.
It kills me when I must show
That everything is right.
Insidious, poisonous,
Slowly creeping, surely killing
Cancer of the soul.
“I can’t tell it to anyone,
So I tell it to everyone” –
Our friend has said it.
So I chose to LIVE.
Live a life that only belongs to me
Yet it is of all Man.
Live a life where I decide
What is true for me.
Where I am the one
Who says what I see.
Where birds have wings to fly,
Mothers to hear babies cry,
Where the children are not shy.
Live a life where poets write,
Dancers jump and turn,
Painters set the color.
I belong to Life.
I belong to where laughter roars
And where lovers kiss,
And where empty promises
Are not part of the script.
Where sanity rules.
Where the Spirit calls.
I belong to no party, no club,
No church or religion,
Organization, association.
I belong to my own kind,
My only child,
And my peace of mind.
I belong to my own voice.
I belong to the ever-hungry
For beauty and melody.
And probably, hopefully,
I belong to another heart.
I belong to those
Who make food with a brush,
A pen, a bow, a string, a lens.
I belong to the free-thinkers,
Free-sayers and free-doers.
And when I’ll have to look back
At all my years,
With eyes already closed,
The question will be asked:
Was it good, the way I belonged?
– Budapest, 15 January 2011
Andrea Gerák
Hibiscus bud. This baby was in my room on the day when I wrote these words.
Thank you for reading, more to come.
Did you like this post?
If you want to support my work (which I need, indeed), please clicking on this big yellow button and subscribe with the option of your choice.
Thank you very much, this way you will be part of the creative process, and not only me but Karma will love you, too! 😍
Alternative payment options
If a bank transfer and/or a one-time donation is more feasable for you:
IBAN: HU15 16200010-10128396-00000000
SWIFT: HBWEHUHBXXX
Magnet Bank, Gerák Andrea
Stripe (You may change the default amount which is EUR/USD 2.- or HUF 1.000)